An Interference of Thoughts.

Travelling by plane always makes me ponder. It must be the bird’s perspective of things deep down there, one sees villages, roads, mountains, rivers and all the other things from a completely different perspective. It is beautiful, amazingly beautiful not only because it’s an unusual perspective. Our Earth IS MAGNIFICENT. And yes, from a distance all looks great and spotless, or at least many things.

The other thing that makes me think is the change of context. Yesterday I was sitting in a bus that was in a bad traffic jam in Delhi’s outskirts with the driver almost participating in a fist fight because of a minor metal kiss of the bus and a lorry. Tomorrow I’ll be Gothenburg preparing with my team for Europe’s biggest tournament in an unimportant (well, from a global perspective compared to famine, disease, etc. – still, I would argue more valuable than soccer, hehe) hippie sport called Ultimate Frisbee. Now I sit a few thousand metres up in the air with some layers of steel below me, many feet of air and the snowy Caspian Sea in visible distance. Before it was the mountains of Afghanistan and the hills of Pakistan, the lush fields of Northern India…

Thinking again of that remote city I changed the car ordered by the transportation company to a bus for the airport. On the way we would take small roads through Punjab passing by huge trucks, Sardars on motorbikes (yeah, that’s how it should be) and people biking home at late night. Many of those have never been in an airplane, many have only seen them from a distance of several thousand metres, some have relatives in another continent. Some not knowing what to eat tomorrow. How can such differences co-exist directly next to each other, separated only by a few centimetres of air. Like the electrician who came to change the broken fuse late in the evening and me… how different and still so close. And then the peacefulness, openness, genuine friendliness and the shining eyes. In contrast, the business guy in the seat next to me, sleek and business-oriented, and carrying an aura of seriousness, importance and fatigue. Those eyes that I miss in Europe or at least hardly ever see. It makes me sad when I sit here and think about it.

Maybe it’s the result of reading Milan Kundera’s “Immortality”, a gift of a friend, that I really really enjoyed. It’s been long time that I had not read a novel. And this proved me that between Dan Browne and the like, there is quality literature also in the 20th (and hopefully 21st) century. Still, next on my list is the Dhammaprada and Krishnamurti’s diary…

But back to the initial tought. Many things have been racing through my head in these few hours sitting here. One is that I want to re-work this blog. Yes, a mundane and continuous plan, but still, some nice ideas. I want to be able to put up songs here, share inspiration.

Sharing inspiration is the main topic here. Seeing the Earth far down as a rather small thing makes me remember that globalisation should not mean that we produce in China, assemble in Korea, ship via Singapore and consume in France. Globalisation should mean (in times of the World Economic Forum in Davos), that we must understand that we sit in one world. A stratified world, but one world with only a certain amount of resources, breathing the same air and drinking the same water. Yes, if some farmers in India’s countryside commit suicide because their life is unsustainable, it does not affect people in Austria, maybe not even people in Chandigarh. But on a personal level it does, and in a long term it does as well. While I can admit a general fascination for global communism and self-sufficent communities, I must say that working on closing the gaps worldwide must be our generation’s top priority. The gaps between rich and poor, between literate and illiterate, between people with healthcare and without, the gap between nationalists and globalists.

My father asked me how I can be out in the world while things at home are not too well. He did not mean the economic dip that everybody in the west talks about and still I think that our consciousness cannot end at our garden walls. Therefore I realised that what really interests me (as for now) is to connect people. And no, making web browsers for people to access Facebook is not enough. I am thinking of connecting and interchanging people. I had the privilege to visit many places in the last months and see many different cultures making it clear that humans are humans everywhere. Not only that, people on the countryside worldwide seem closer to each other (yes, they may use different tools) than people within a country. How can we make people understand that with a grass-root approach? Our politicians are busy putting up barriers for each other, it’s for us individuals to start working on removing barriers in a meaningful way. Any ideas and proposals?

Quite a few people asked about the meditation experience and here I should give a bit more detailled description on that and then raise a few questions.

Vipassana Meditation as taught by Mr. Goenka and his delegate teachers is the meditation technique developed by Buddha Siddartha Gautama and preserved in its original way for all the years in Burma until it started spreading again a few decades ago. It is based on observing the reality within ones body in equanimity. In the ten days seminar one is supposed to learn the basic technique and then one is set off to use it in everyday life and serious practitioners tend to return almost every year for another course.

Meditation Environment

The whole teaching is done through a non-profit organisation with only volunteers. Participation in courses is free of financial charge, the only precepts are that for ten days one is not to 1) steal 2) lie 3) kill any being 4) have sexual misconduct and 5) intoxicate oneself. This creates a very peaceful and positive environment, with the basic needs of the students taken care of. In our case it was one- or two-bed residences with own toilet and shower. The site of the Dhamma Thali is nice and calm at the end of a small valley outside of Jaipur. Peacocks and monkeys would roam around just like chip-monks living in between all the pittoresque residential quarters. Food is basic, healthy, vegetarian and subject to a monks gratefulness as it is the result of somebody else’s generosity. Day schedule rund from 04:30 to 21:00 with 10 hours of meditation.

Program

The first two and a half days are preparation, where the students learn to simply observe the breath flowing through the nostrils. By narrowing down the observed area the student is supposed to sharpen the mind to experience subtler sensations and observe them equanimously.

After this warm-up one would learn to scan the whole body for any type of sensation. For this one is scanning each body part (skin first, later the whole body) from head to toe and vice versa. From this point on one is not supposed to change the posture while meditating and instead fully focus on the experiences. Observing the body then helps recognising the sensations as what they are and not the solidified reactions like pain, fury or craving. This makes meditation a bit easier even if then all former “sins” start bubbling up.

On the 9th day, the technique of loving compassion is taught and after that the taking ban is lifted. The silence is suddenly gone and suddenly there is chatter everywhere. After a few minutes this was too much at least for me and I started longing for the silence. But eventually one gets used to and the idea is as well to have the last day as a re-socialising day to prepare for the hustle and bustle. Yes, people start smiling and laughing – as far as I see as well because of the ability to speak the seriousness is gone.

Personal Experience

For me, many of the basic philosophical principles were already known from beginning. Instead it was the practice that was new and to be learned. Sitting motionless has always been my problem with meditation and the same was now. The sensations were not as much as the problem as the lack in variations thereof. After half an hour my mind would get bored with the ever-same sensations of the lower foot numb, the back with a bit of pressure and the rest of the body calmly present. Yes, this would change but only by nuances that were not really easy to spot. Yes, my mind is not subtle (I prefer spicy over blend, I prefer strong colours over pastel, etc…) and it was craving for something to happen no matter wether joy or pain. Just sitting was boring.

On the other hand, to be fair, I have to say that I went there to face my inner demons and that, I have done. So every now and then big questions would pop up, issues that I carry with me, that I never really resolved. The lack of distraction would bring them up and they would make my meditation impossible. So then I usually had to get out of the room and figure them out first, before sitting calmly was possible. That was the obvious demons, whereof some have been eradicated.

The other, bigger elephant demon is the restlessness of a non-sublte mind. The teachers said that a mind cannot be subtle if not balanced. I find my mind balanced but it never learned to be subtle, instead interests range from here to there, initial enthusiasm is high but soon becomes shallow. Long commitment is a tricky task for this brain, instead it aims for scalable solutions that you can push off and that then feed themselves (let’s see how that will work with kids, hehe). of course, the obvious answer is that practicing exactly this Vipassana method one hour in the morning and one at night would cure this, but getting the motivation to do this is the difficult part. And as the teachers said, one only has motivation when one sees the benefit. In my case certain crucial principles have already been present in my life, which make spotting benefits in daily life difficult. Instead, I guess I have to wait until another motivation crosses my path, one that motivates me to slow down, enjoy subtleness and the joy of tiny nuances in everyday life. ;)

Philosophical Discussion

This part for me, was the most disappointing in that programme as I personally cannot start practicing something without understanding and agreeing just on mere belief. Well, or just to a certain level and my threshold seems lower than the one of many people. Ironically, the teachers said the same thing of “believe not because of a guru or because of intellectual understand but only when you experience”. Supposedly the philosophy should be taught further down the Vipassana path, but that is too late for me and if anybody has a good recommendation on books on the philosophical underpinning, please let me know.

So, now a few concrete philosophical dilemmas:

• Sharpening your mind by focussing on your bodily experiences – where does reality end? One starts with observing the breath. At the gross level this is clear but the more subtle the sensations become, the bigger are the error margins in relation. Imagine drawing a dot on a piece of paper and then searching it. The smaller the tip of the pen, the less secure you can be about knowing where the dot is. Without an instrument, you cannot verify it at a certain point. Same here, breath is real, its sensation is real but when becoming subtle one cannot know if the sensation is real or an imagination. The reasons are manifold, like one’s wish to succeed in sharpening the mind or the mind’s unwillingness to be tamed, etc.
• Enlightenment comes after dissolving the ego and compassion for others. So far clear, but how does an enlightened person the relate to oneself? Let’s say an enlightened person and a stranger are thirsty when crossing the desert, they find an entities of water, with the amount enough for saving one person to come to the next oasis. What will the enlightened person do? Sacrifice him/herself for the non-enlightened one even though surviving longer he/she could probably help so many others to come closer to enlightenment still? What if there is another, second, poisonous entity of water, how would that change the situation?
• The good and the bad only exist because of each other. And love nothing specific and you will love everything. Both are recurring themes in many philosophies and beliefs. This means that I will enjoy plain water just like I enjoy salty water, sweet water or water with lime taste. Will that also mean that I will not prefer either anymore if given the option? or will I choose the right one to drink with a better understanding for the context? Yes, a very mundane problem as such and a un-enlightened question because I care for the taste of water instead of the essence of water (it keeps me alive). But as for me living is experiencing (the gross or subtle) it does matter to taste the different flavours of water. Sometimes it is sweet, sometimes it is salty. Sometimes one deems its taste “good” sometimes one deems it “bad”. Is that not how life should be? The bad also being good, just like the good is bad?
• Last, a more historical question on the method. They say the method initially spread quickly and many many people benefitted from it. Then it got modified and altered and lost its effectivity. Why was that? I mean I understand that modifying it the wrong way makes it useless. But why would a proficient person modify the method to become unusable? And why would a proficient teacher not be able to show the benefits compared to a charlatan with a fake method?

Random Impressions

• Not communicating is a matter of attitude and not knowing anybody in the course does help. But in general, this should not be the most difficult thing.
• Ten days without communication is nice but also a strange feeling as outside the world might crumble and one will not find out.
• Take every step when you are ready. There is no point to be in a hurry. Doors open when one is ready to look careful enough.

Conclusions

I am glad I did it, I learned many new things even if I think that with the right preparation I could have taken far more from there. I mat well consider attending another programme but only when I feel ready for the next step and currently I do not. Until then I guess I will stick with what my friend Deepak did: 3 weeks hiking in Leh Ladakh (well, or some other place…). :)

Still, if you consider going, have questions, comments and opinions, please leave them in the comments or mail me. Happy discussing!

Long long time ago, I can still remember, music used to make me smile. It still does. So do many other things, such as the phone call that I just finished. Or people with their behaviour and quirks, or animals or the weather or things.

Long long time ago, I also posted something on this blog about my life in India. Since then, much water has gone down the Ganges and I have been busy as well. Always been, always will be I guess. And far too often not really specific things, such as writing mails to friends, meeting people, working of course and some other things. So let’s look a little at these other things:

Last time, I told you about my bike “Dhanno, which I had just acquired. By now I have been touring around on it for quite a bit and become used to it. Yes, it does not always the way it should, like an old horse is supposed to. Some things had to be fixed and a service is still missing. But it brought me well to Shimla and back on Indian roads. Yes, the driving here sometimes is crazy and uphill is far more fun than downhill, where busses and trucks drive dangerously for the incautious.

On this trip to Shimla quite some things went wrong, starting from not being allowed to access a point of great view over Chandigarh (military area and camera do not go well together). Then, almost not eating one full day and then arriving late trying to find a hotel in a cold mountain station without passport. Finally food was given to a hungry belly, which did not make it happy but instead resulted in Dehli Belly in Shimla. Three weeks late, but finally the overdose of spices and the exhausting days demanded their toll – for two weeks controlled but sudden rushes to the rest room were a daily reality. Most fun the image of driving back for a few hours in such a state without trouser back-up. The way back, however, went fine thanks to some medication. Only Dhanno got a flat rear tyre but that as well luckily outside a tyre workshop.

Then, quite some time before Christmas went into looking for an appartement, which I finally moved into a few days back. Furniture is partially provided, but certain things are still missing. Still, good to feel home. I share with a Czech couple, which is nice so I have a bit of life at home ase well. Friday will be the house warming party. I have a nice sounds system, now I just need to find a drum to start learning and then as well start courses in Hindi and Punjabi. The place is really nice – like a dream come true with a nice open kitchen, joined to a living room, balcony, two bath rooms and two and a half bedrooms, perfect for guests staying. Spent quite some money on utensils but luckily friends helped me out with lending certain things.

THen, maybe the biggest thing that happened since last posting is that I got engaged with that girl introduced by Navjot’s parents. Haha, no. Instead I travelled with friends to Delhi and from there to Jaipur to a 10 day Vipassana course, a meditation retreat lasting from just after Christmas into 2009. Ten days of silence and meditation did good. I shall write more about this in a separate posting on my private blog, as certain things made me think. In general, certain issues bubbled up, that were dug underneath a lot of disctraction and only a few days of lack of stimulus could free up. A great experience and something I shall repeat in this or other ways.

Also, in Delhi, I managed to see a bit more of “real India”. CHD is famous for being rather clean and non-chaotic and looking at Delhi and Jaipur I can only agree. I cannot say that i liked Delhi as everything just seemed too big – I liked the Metro however. But Jaipur, the Pink City, was amazing. Great character and spirit in that town with nice old buildings, hustle and bustle on the streets and friendly people. The fact that camels pull carts in the streets might also have had a bit of an impact. But actually, the experience made me think if it is the “middle eastern influence” clearly visible everywhere, that charmed me. One day I shall find out, maybe not a summer day tho, as those are supposed to be really really really warm.

Coming back I also made the experience of an Indian Second Class Sleeper train. In general it was no problem as I had nice travel companions that provided with a good time even if they hardly spoke any English and I spoke even far less Hindi. Still, warme and nice people. The biggest problem was however the train, which seems to have its hull more to prevent people to fall off (or cling on on the outside?) than to keep the wind out. Sitting in this chilly wind channel was a test wether I had learned to observe experiences within myself objectively and understanding their changing nature – the Vipassana Method. Finally and much later I then arrived in Ambala, where I had to switch to a bus.

One very valuable gadget on that trip was my new mobile phone, the Sony Ericsson T700, which features access to Google Maps via triangulation. The most important moment was on the train, where at night no stations are announced and due to delay it is almost impossible to recognise which station is the current one. Also, it features a radio and a simple camera, which makes snapshots on the street far easier. Very happy with this.

Ok, enough storytelling, let’s look a little at some observations:
• Indian Stretchable Time (IST) is commonly known, just the same way it sometimes just is amazing how things get postponed again and a again due to bad planning of things required to get a job done.
• “An ATM with legs” is how many people see white in poorer countries. A very good perspective a man shared with me on the street. I have to keep this in mind as a good metaphor.
• Curiosity is nonetheless a very common thing. many looks here and there, some people are even brave enough to attempt to talk and already soon it will be all smiles. Also, “get the white guy dancing” seems to be a hobby of Punjabis. ;)
• Related to the conversation problems a good solution for when you do not understand the other say “Thank You”. This is the local strategy. Personally I prefer to say “Hmmmmm…” as it fits any situation.

Yes, there are many more but I shall get some sleep before tomorrow. Good night.

For more tidbits, look at my Jaiku stream. This post shall also appear on Opera’s Bridge the World blog.

After the first 10 days I think I owe everybody a short recap of how things go and what’s happening here in Chandigarh, India. I shall start with pointing out that the views in my postings are my own and private ones and may or may not be shared by any of my affiliations (i.e. Opera). So, complaints to me please.

It’s always difficult to put down impressions when moving to a new place as there are many of them and many are small things such as traffic, the personal hygiene, the interaction with people or resourcefulness. Then there are the underlying differences in society, history and background that create these different symptoms. I hope to dig deeper into the latter issues over time, so please excuse me if I initially state a lot of “obvious” things. ;)

Landing in Delhi at 5 o’clock in the morning (23:30 GMT) after a six hours flight, Vivek, a friend from the India office, who was in Oslo for 3 months who arrived an hour earlier, was already waiting in the arrivals to get to the taxi that was kindly organised by Sagar, the country manager. Prior to that, spending some time at Heathrow, trying to sleep but instead watching movies on the plane, getting the luggage, running through immigration and customs was no problem. Stepping out of the airport provided the typical image that probably everybody expects when landing in India: many, many, many, many people waiting for others, getting taxis and moving to busses and so on. Most striking, the air that was a mixture of fog and smog. Visibility was still decent – I’d estimate like 2km – but I could smell the typical smell of dust, pollution and warm weather, while Vivek seemed to be used to it claiming not to notice anything.
So, all luggage into the car, and we were on our 4-6 hours way to Chandigarh. Traffic was still low and the air was supposed to be clean as people were jogging, only one child asking for sweets. First he asked for sweets, then, seeing a white guy, he changed into brr-it’s-really-cold-please-please-please-give-me-money-for-food-and-clothes mode. Some time thne I fell asleep only to wake up, when Vivek asked wether we should have breakfast at McDonald’s. True to my principle that a day started with breakfast at McD is a bad day, we went to the other side of the street, what our drivers preferred: food for locals. The drivers sitting at their own table I slowly started to realise the distance of people. They would look but, for some reason, be shy to speak with me. Vivek said something about self-confidence, but I guess it is also often a matter of social norms as I could observe similar patterns more often since then. Time to learn some more Hindi and Punjabi if that might help bridging the gap.

The rest of the drive was pretty uneventful for me as I slept again, seemingly missing all the Indian-road-action. Arrived at the office to meet some of the known faces again and getting introduced to the new people. The first days, staying at Sagar’s place (where I hope to move from soon – negotiations are on) I was tagging along with him the first days. Looked at some appartements, got introduced to Opera’s friends at Cue Blocks and Navjot’s family. The weekend was pretty un-happening (”My longest weekend ever”) as I was home by 01:00 every evening. I hope to change this over time, but night-life here seems rather limited.
Spent the week working with a movie (Dostana) and dinner as a project celebration and then traditional Thursday movie night at the office.

Further, Sagar was kind enough to lend me his motorbike, so I had been touring around on my own since the last weekend. The bigger change was to ride a motorbike again – the first time since 7 years. The traffic was far less of a problem, using the right (left) side of the road is fine and at least here in CDH the traffic is decent. Yes, sometimes more chaotic but as speeds are rather low (max 60 kph) it is manageable. Same organic pattern as moving in a group of people.
Yesterday then, with the help of Anil, I managed to buy my own bike, a Royal Enfield Bullet 350 from 1996. A nice and heavy bike that should be exactly right for young wannabe-heavyweights like me. :D A popular bike as it is durable and has more of a cruising feeling. I guess it’s the two-wheeled pendant of the Ambassador car. A few things need to be fixed, but the first ride was promising and had a good feeling to it. Next up is to get an apartment of my own.

Ok, enough trivialities, a few observations for the end – thanks to the generous donors of “Culture Shock, India” that helps understanding some things:

• Office peons: So there is somebody to take care of food and other practicalities at work. Until now, I never knew that one can be over-hydrated.
• Food: Spice levels were fine so far, but I think I overdid it a little yesterday. Either all the spicy food or the sugar cane juice from the motorbike market did upset my stomach for a bit. So far it’s manageable however.
• Money: So the biggest common piece of money is 500 INR (around 8 EUR), which makes paying big amounts (like 20 000 INR for a bike) an interesting experience as one runs around with a stash of money. Otherwise these 500 INR enable a very very good living on daily basis.
• Language: I admit that I am not used to not being able to understand a thing of people talk to each other. Here this is the case and that often makes me feel like a sitting duck. Especially if others are negotiating for me. It’s not that they interpret for me, they take care of all my business. Thanks there to all the office (and the others) here, who all were very very very helpful. Just not used to it yet.
• Security: Without wanting to dive too much into the political minefield I should say that it is a shame that terrorism seems to become a pretty normal phenomenon for people here in India. Somebody told me it is ranking at number four in the world in terms of terrorist attacks. And while many many people messaged me and asked if I was fine, I did hardly notice any differences here in Chandigarh. Yes, some TV stations were broadcasting live 24/7 (whether that is a smart thing to do is discussable…) and talking to people showed that some were deeply affected. Otherwise, this is still a very safe place, I have not once felt unsafe so far – people are warm and care for each other.

Ok, that’s all so far. More impressions on the next post. Also, pictures, will hopefully come soon. :)

For more tidbits, look at my Jaiku stream. This post shall also appear on Opera’s Bridge the World blog.

Sorry for neglecting you all for such a long time, but you know, many things to do, write, prepare and so on and work load was high enough to make me not want to spend my spare time in front of the computer. Even if I had quite some things to write about.

So, theerfore a small update:
1) I will be heading to India from end of November to early May. I will be glad to skip the Oslo “winter” of grey, dark and rainy weather. I also hope that as soon as I will be in Chandigarh, I will have some time to blog again. Essentially I will do the same as I do now, but with our (new) people in the Chandigarh, Office.
2) I picked up photography again a bit thanks to my close friend Nav, who got a new camera and dragged me out to shoot. I hope to keep it up if I manage to scale down on post-processing effort.
3) Emotionally it has been a bit of a rollercoaster thanks to certain individuals and the thoughts they have triggered in me. Nothing really new, a lot of old things refreshed with new angles, higehr stakes and so on.

Ok, thanks for now, sorry for the huge gap and write you soon!

It’s been ages that I had been virtually cut off all contact over the internet. Busy days that left me with little time (and sometimes energy) to connect online and write mails.

So today I managed to do that and to call some people and it just felt so nice. Thanks to you all, my friends. I love you guys.

Just had to say that. :)

Again, it has been ages that I wrote here. Mortly because I was really busy at work during the wekes and also on the weekends. The last two weekends were filled with playoing Ultimate Frisbee first in Stockholm – a serious European Championship qualification tournament – and now in Grenoble – a fun and nicely-spirited proper Ultimate tournament. Stockholm was very high intensity and high level sports while sportsmanship sometimes unfortunately sometimes suffered because of that. Grenoble was my first turnament uoutside of Scandinavia and is supposed to be one of the best-spirited tournaments and it really was. Amazing atmosphere with many many nice people that did not mind too much the bad weather and enjoyed the games.

Otherwise, there is only to say that I now succumbed the environment pressure to get a cell phone, mostly as it makes travelling and organising/coordination so much easier. A shame and as such I am sure to repeat the phoneless-ness experiement some other time again – it definitely did feel good.

And then last: A good video comment by the Daily Show with Jon Stewart on the Republican (USA) party… ridiculously funny if it was not so sad.

Hi, so not too much happened here the last weeks, so it’s time for a brief update.

1. First, I added the second part to the excerpt of Krishnamurti’s “Total Freedom”.
2. Then, I was travelling a bit, visiting family in Finland. Was nice meeting them and encountering interesting new people. And a bit of driving on the nice roads with a nice rental car. Yay.
   Also, was in Denmark at Ulf and Linda’s wedding. Congratulation, guys and thanks for a nice celebration. Pictures will follow soon.
3. Got to go to the cinema to watch “The Dark Knight”, which was a pretty OK film (well, everybody says it’s good…). Some interesting things to think about. Just as in “Into the Wild”, which I finally managed to see a day before. It was interesting to relate to certain situations, struggles or decisions in both films. Both recommendable.
4. Further… I got under pressure to get myself a mobile. Certain people find it annoying that I do not have one. Sometimes I feel it would be good to have one (initially I thought of putting a short diary on this blog, but lack of time kept me from doing that). Also, the price of the iPhone is almost suitably low now, as prices dropped here in Norway. On a side-note, my dear laptop Freya survived lying in the rain for an hour. I’m really proud of her (yes, it’s a she… so sexy and sleek ;) and glad that only the RAM burnt. She’s 5.5 years now…
5. A redesign of this page is planned, we’ll see how it goes together with my schedule and wit ha good friend of mine moving permanently to Oslo.
6. I joined a social networking site called Triiibes, which is a invitation-only service right now but with many marketeers from different areas meeting up. It seems to be an interesting platform and we’ll see how well I can use it to pursue my goals of not being mediocre. ;)

I guess that’s the biggest news so far, I hope to have soon more interesting news to post! Smile y’all!

This is one of the essential parts from the book on J.Krishnamurti’s thoughts I have been reading for a looong time now. The book is called Total Freedom: The Essential Krishnamurti and is a very heavy but highly interesting read that I will revisit later in my life.

When talking to friends I have often referred to his thoughts – difficult not to be influenced. For me and many of my friends this part seems spot-on for the current chapter of life, so I take my freedom to share it here. But before, two quotes of him:

You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems and suffer and understand, for all that is life.

Without freedom from the past, there is no freedom at all, because the mind is never new, fresh, innocent.

J.Krisnamurti in Total Freedom: The Essential Krishnamurti, p. 146ff:
May 30, 1983
Part One:
It has been raining here every day for over a month. When you come from a climate like California where the rain stopped over a month ago, where the green fields were drying up and turning brown and the sun was very hot, it is rather startling and surprising to see the grass, the marvelous green trees and the copper beeches, which are spreading, light brown, becoming gradually darker and darker. To see them now along the green trees is a delight. They are going to be very dark as summer comes on. And this earth is very beautiful. Earth, whether it is desert or filled with orchards and green, bright fields, is always beautiful.

To go for a walk in the fields with the cattle and the young lambs, and in the woods with the song of birds, without a single thought in your mind, only watching the earth, the trees, the sheep and hearing the cuckoo calling and the wood pigeons; to walk without any emotion, any sentiment, to watch the trees and all the earth – when you so watch, you learn your own thinking, are aware of your own reactions and do not allow a single thought to escape you without understanding why it came, what was the cause of it. If you are watchful, never letting a thought go by, then the brain becomes very quiet. Then you watch in great silence and that silence has immense depth, a lasting incorruptible beauty.

The boy was good at games, really quite good. He was also good at his studies; he was serious. So one day he came to his teacher and said, “Sir, could I have a talk with you?” The educator said, “Yes, we can have a talk, let us go out for a walk.” So they had a dialogue. it was a conversation between the teacher and the taught, a conversation in which there was some respect on both sides, and the educator was also serious, the conversation was pleasant, friendly, and they had forgotten that he was a teacher with a student; the rank was forgotten, the importance of the one who knows, the authority, and the other who is curious.

“Sir, I I wonder if you know what this is all about, why I am getting an education, what part will it play when I grow up, what role have i in this world, why do I have to study, why do I have to marry and what is my future? Of course, I realize I have to study and pass some sort of exams and I hope I will be able to pass them. I will probably live for some years, perhaps fifty, sixty, or more, and in all those years to come what will be my life and the life and the life of those people around me? What am I going to to be and what is the point of these long hours over books and hearing the teachers? There might be a devastating war; we might all be killed. If death is all that lies ahead, then what is the point of all this education? Please, I am asking these questions quite seriously because I have heard the other teachers and you too pointing out many of these things.”

“I would like to take one question at a time. You have asked many questions, you have put several problems before me, so first let us look at perhaps the most important question: What is the future of mankind and you of yourself? As you know, your parents are fairly well-off and of course they want to help you in any way they can. Perhaps if you get married they might give you a house, buy a house with all things necessary in it, and you might have a nice wife – might. So what is it you are going to be? The usual mediocre person? Get a job, settle down with all the problems around you and in you – is that your future? Of course a war may come, but it may not happen; let us hope it does not happen. Let us hope man may come to realize that wars of any kind will never solve any human problem. Men may improve, they may invent better airplanes, and so on, but wars have never solved human problems and they never will. So let us forget for the moment that all of us might be destroyed through the craziness of superpowers, through the craziness of terrorists, or some demagogue in some country wanting to destroy his invented enemies. Let us forget all that for the moment. Let us consider what is your future, knowing that you are part of the rest of the world. What is your future? As i asked, to be a mediocre person? Mediocrity means to go half way up the hill, half way in anything, never going to the very top of the mountain or demanding all your energy, your capacity, never demanding excellence.

“Of course you must realize also that there will be all the pressures from outside – pressures to do this, all the various narrow religious sectarian pressures and propaganda. Propaganda can never tell the truth; truth can never be propagated. So I hope you realize the pressure on you – pressure on you from your parents, from your society, from the tradition to be a scientist, to be a philosopher, to be a physicist, a man who undertakes research in any field; or to be a businessman. Realizing all this, which you must do at your age, what way will you go? We have been talking about all these things for many terms, and probably, if one may point out, you have applied your mind to all this. So as we have some time together to go around the hill and come back, I am asking you, not as a teacher but with affection as a friend genuinely concerned, what is your future? Even if you have already made up your mind to pass some exams and have a career, a good profession, you still have to ask, is that all? Even if you do have a good profession, perhaps a life that is fairly pleasant, you will have a lot of troubles, problems. If you have a family, what will be the future of your children? This is a question that you have to answer yourself and perhaps we can talk about it. You have to consider the future of your children, not just your own future, and you have to consider the future of humanity, forgetting that you are German, French, English, or Indian. Let us talk about it, but please realize I am not telling you what you should do. Only fools advise, so I am not entering into that category. I am just questioning in a friendly manne, which I hope you realize; I am not pushing you, directing you, persuading you. What is your future? Will you mature rapidly or slowly, gracefully, sensitively? Will you be mediocre, though you may be first in class in your profession? You may excel, you may be very, very good at whatever you do, but I am talking of mediocrity of the mind, of the heart, mediocrity of the entire being.”

“Sir, I don’t really know how to answer these questions. I have not given too much thought to it, but when you ask this question, whether I am to become like the rest of the world, mediocre, I certainly don’t want to be that. I also realize the attraction of the world. I also see that part of me wants all that. I want to have some fun, some happy times, but the other side of me also sees the danger of all that, the difficulties, the urges, the temptations. So I really don’t know where I will end up. And also, as you pointed out on several occasions, I don’t know myself what I am. One thing is definite, I really don’t want to be a mediocre person with a small mind and heart, though with a brain that may be extraordinarily clever. I may study books and acquire a great deal of knowledge, but I may still be a very limited, narrow person. Mediocrity, sir, is a very good word which you have used and when I look at it I am getting frightened – not of the world but of the whole implications of what you have shown. I really don’t know, and perhaps im talking it over with you it may clear things up. I can’t so easily talk with my parents. They probably have had the same problems as I have; they may be more mature physically but they may be in the same position as I am. So if I may ask, sir, may I take another occasion, if you are willing, to talk with me? I really feel rather frightened, nervous, apprehensive of my capacity to meet all this, face it, go through it and not become a mediocre person.”

—
Part Two:
It was one of these mornings that has never been before: the near meadow, the still beeches, and the lane that goes into the deeper wood – all was silence. There wasn’t a bird chirping and the nearby horses were standing still. A morning like this, fresh, tender, is a rare thing. There is peace in this part of the land and everything was very quiet. There was that feeling, that sense of absolute silence. It was not a romantic sentimentalism, nor poetic imagination. It was and is. A simple thing is all that is. The copper breeches this morning were full of splendor against the green field stretching in the distance, and a cloud full of that morning light was floating lazily by. The sun was just coming up, there was great peace and a sense of adoration. Not the adoration of some god or imaginative deity but a reverence that is born of great beauty. This morning one could let go of all the things one has gathered and be silent with the woods and the trees and the quiet lawn. The sky was a pale and tender blue and far away across the fields a cuckoo was calling, the wood pigeons were cooing, and the blackbirds began their morning song. In the distance you heard a car going by. Probably when the heavens are so quiet with loveliness it will rain later on. It always does if the early morning is very clear. But this morning it was all very special, something that has never been before and could never be again.

“I am glad you have come of your own accord, without being invited, and perhaps if you are prepared, we can continue with our conversation about mediocrity and the future of your life. One can be excellent in one’s career; we aren’t saying that there is mediocrity in all professions; a good carpenter may not be mediocre in his work but in his daily, inward life, his life with his family, he may be. We both understand the meaning of that word now and we should investigate together the depth of that word. We are talking about inward mediocrity, psychological conflicts, problems and travail. There can be great scientists who yet inwardly lead a mediocre life. So what is going to be your life? In some ways you are a clever student, but for what will you use your brain? We are not talking about your career, that will come later; what we should be concerned about is the way you are going to live. Of course, you are not going to be a criminal in the ordinary sense of that word. You are not, if you are wise, going to be a bully; they are too aggressive. You will probably get an excellent job, do excellent work in whatever you choose to do. So let us put that aside for a moment; but inside, what is your life? Inwardly, what is the future? Are you going to be like the rest of the world, always hunting pleasure, always troubled with a dozen psychological problems?”

“At present, sir, I have no problems, except the problems of passing examinations and the weariness of all that. Otherwise I seem to have no problems. There is a certain freedom. I feel happy, young. When I see all these old people I ask myself, am I going to end up like that? They seem to have good careers or to have done something the wanted to do but in spite of that they become dreary, dull, and they seem never to have excelled in the deeper qualities of the brain. I certainly don’t want to be like that. It is not vanity, but I want to have something different. It is not an ambition. I want to have a good career and all that business but I certainly in no way want to be like these old people who seem to have lost everything they like.”

“You may not want to be like them but life is a very demanding and cruel thing. It won’t let you alone. You will have great pressure from society whether you live here in America in any other part of the world. You will be constantly urged to become like the rest, to become something of a hypocrite, say things you don’t really mean, and if you marry that may raise problems too. You must understand that life is a very complex affair – not just pursuing what you want to do and being pigheaded about it. These young people want to become something – lawyers, engineers, politicians, and so on; there is the urge, the drive of, ambition for power, money. That is what those old people whom you talk about have been through. They are worn out by constant conflict, by their desires. Look at it, look at the people around you. They are all in the same boat. Some leave the boat and wander endlessly and die. Some seek some peaceful corner of the earth and retire; some join a monastery, become monks of various kinds, taking desperate vows. The vast majority, millions and millions, lead a very small life, their horizon is very limited. They have their sorrows, their joys, and they seem never to escape from them or understand them and go beyond. So again we ask each other, what is our future, specifically, what is your future? Of course you are much too young to go into this question very deeply, for youth has nothing to do with the total comprehension of this question. You may be an agnostic; the young do not believe in anything, but as you grow older then you turn to some form of religious superstition, religious dogma, religious conviction. Religion is not an opiate, but man has made religion in his own image, blind comfort and, therefore, security. He has made religion into something totally unintelligent and impracticable, not something that you can live with. How old are you?”

“I am going to be nineteen, sir. My grandmother has left me something when I am twenty-one and perhaps before I go to the university I can travel and look around. But I will always carry this question with me whenever I am, whatever my future. I may marry, probably I will, and have children, and so the great question arises – what is their future? I am somewhat aware of what the politicians are doing throughout the world. It is an ugly business af far as I am concerned, so I think I won’t be a politician. I am pretty sure of that but I want a good job. I’d like to work with my hands and with my brain but the question is how not to become a mediocre person like ninety-nine per cent of the world. So, sir, what am I to do? Oh yes, I am aware of churches and temples and all that; I am not attracted to them. I rather revolt against all that – the priests and the hierarchy of authority, but how am I going to prevent myself becoming an ordinary, average, mediocre person?”

“If I may suggest, never under any circumstances ask ‘how.’ When you use the word how you really want someone to telly you what to do, some guide, some system, somebody to lead you by the hand so that you loose your freedom, your capacity to observe, your own activities, your own thoughts, your own way of life. When you ask ‘how’ you really become a secondhand human being; you loose integrity and also the innate honesty to look at yourself, to be what you are and to go beyond and above what you are. Never, never ask the question ‘how.’ We are talking psychologically of course. You have to ask how when you want to put a motor together or build a computer. You have to learn something from somebody. But to be psychologically free and original can only come about when you are aware of your own inward activities, watch what you are thinking and never let a one thought escape without observing the nature of it, the source of it. Observing, watching. One learns about oneself much more by watching than from books or soem psychologist or complicated, clever, erudite scholar or professor.”

“It is going to be very difficult, my friend. It can tear you in many directions. There are a great many so-called temptations – biological and social – you can be torn apart by the cruelty of society. Of course, you are going to have to stand alone but that can come about not through force, determination or desire but when you begin to see the false things around you and yourself: the emotions, the hopes. When you begin to see which is false, then there is the beginning of awareness, of intelligence. You have to be a light to yourself and it is one of the most difficult things in life.”

“Sir, you have made it all seem so very difficult, so very complex, so very awesome, frightening.”

“I am just pointing all this out to you. It does not mean that facts need frighten you. Facts are there to observe. If you observe them, the never frighten you. Facts are not frightening. But if you want to avoid them, turn your back and run, then that is frightening. To stand, to see what you have done may not have been totally correct, to live with the fact and not interpret the fact according to your pleasure or form of reaction, that is not frightening. Life isn’t very simple. One can live simply but life itself is vast, complex. It extends from horizon to horizon. You can live with few clothes or with one meal a day, but that is not simplicity. So be simple, don’t live in a complicated way, contradictory, and so on, just be simple inwardly. You played tennis this morning. I was watching and you seem quite good at it. Perhaps we will meet again. That is up to you.”

“Thank you, sir.”

—
Please forgive any typos of mine (even better: let me know). A very good text that evokes new thoughts every time I read it and it is a good reminder for myself to be vigilant on the inside, a trait that easily goes lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

Comments are welcome and highly encouraged.

A great piece by John Thackara on North-to-South design work. This might be more of a reminder to myself, but I hope that you also enjoy reading it.

Most important question to everybody reading it in developed coutries:
“But I can’t get it out of my mind that I personally, along with most other US or European citizens, emit as much CO2 in one day as someone in Tanzania does in seven months. [...] Who needs whose help here?”